i just saw that oh so happy journal that i had written in june. ugh. what happened to that dreamland? what happened to us? you used to be so amazing. everything i ever wanted and you changed sooo much. i wish i could go back to that june 11 when i wrote that. i still remember how it feels to love like that. i still love you. gah i still love you so much. but no you don't call. and now you fuck other girls. and now you fuck up a lot. and now you don't even care. you suck. you suck. you suck. you suck. you suck. yea that sounds immature. but i just wish i could have it back. all of it. this is so lame. will i find that love again? that amazing feeling of being with someone who cares just as much about you as you do about them? who knows. i don't feel like i will. i feel like i need to talk to you. to hear everything is ok. but i know it's not. and i know i wont. you won't call. and if you do. it will be a long time from now. i'm sure of it. gah. you do things to me no one else could. gah. bleh bleh bleh. why do people change like this? why can't i be happy for more than a few months. i need that again. i need you back in my life like you used to be. but it's not gong to happen. not for a long long time if it even does. no. it won't. but still. i love you soooo much.